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Post by Verbivore on Aug 18, 2008 9:21:35 GMT
An unflattering (and deservedly so, I reckon!) description of Liberace; a
London Daily Mirror, 27 Sep. 1956
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Post by Verbivore on Aug 18, 2008 9:25:55 GMT
HRH Phil the Greek comes out with some great retorts to the press.
One typically succinct example follows.
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Post by Twoddle on Aug 18, 2008 10:32:56 GMT
An unflattering (and deservedly so, I reckon!) description of Liberace; a London Daily Mirror, 27 Sep. 1956 Liberace had the last laugh (well, possibly not the last laugh, bearing in mind the manner in which he died). Here's a quotation from Wikipedia: "Liberace sued the newspaper for libel, testifying in a London court that he was not a homosexual, and had never taken part in homosexual acts. He won the suit on the basis of the term 'fruit-flavoured' which was held to impute homosexuality. The £8,000 ($22,400) damages he received from The Daily Mirror led Liberace to alter his catchphrase to 'I cried all the way to the bank!'." |
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Post by Barry on Aug 21, 2008 11:33:14 GMT
I can't remember who it was, but someone once described the late Barbara Cartland as looking like 'a startled meringue'.
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Post by Barry on Aug 21, 2008 11:37:41 GMT
That splendid comedian Jeremy Hardy once remarked:
"If music be the food of love, Will Young is the Ginster's pasty of indifference".
Also by JH:
"Ann Widdecombe is no oil painting - in fact, she's more of a collage."
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Post by Barry on Aug 21, 2008 11:43:00 GMT
But my all-time favourite quotation is from the MP Nicholas ('Fatty') Soames's ex-girlfriend:
"Having sex with Nicholas is like being fallen on by a wardrobe with the key still in the door".
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Post by Alan Palmer on Aug 22, 2008 12:43:24 GMT
Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary is a wonderfully fecund source of cynical quotes. Here are just a few:
Aborigines
Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
Idiot
A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
Patience
A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
Zeal
A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
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Post by Twoddle on Aug 22, 2008 18:36:41 GMT
In recent years it's become apparent that the main (and secret at the time) reason for forcing King Edward VIII to abdicate had less to do with his passion for Wallis Simpson and more to do with the fact that he was a fascist and an ardent supporter of Hitler and the Nazis. During a tour of Australia, while still Prince of Wales, he said of the aborigenes that they were:
"... the most revolting form of living creatures I've ever seen. They are the lowest known form of human beings and are the nearest thing to monkeys".
Thank goodness things have improved since then. These days we'd never see the heir to the throne committing adultery with a married woman whom he'd later wed.
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Post by Alan Palmer on Aug 22, 2008 18:54:21 GMT
Yes, the royal family is much more PC these days. With the possible exception of Phil the Greek. |
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Post by Twoddle on Aug 22, 2008 19:06:27 GMT
I'm rather partial to quotations from WC Fields and from Mae West. Here are some from Fields.
I never met a kid I liked.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Someone asked Fields: "How do you like children?". He responded: "Parboiled!".
Regarding the Bible: "I admit I scanned it once, searching for some movie plots... [but found] ... only a pack of wild lies."
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Post by Twoddle on Aug 22, 2008 19:18:27 GMT
Yes, the royal family is much more PC these days. With the possible exception of Phil the Greek. He was a wonderful addition to the Royal Family, helping to keep its average IQ at the same level as before. But one must praise the Her Maj too, for allowing him in; who else would have adopted an otherwise unemployable Greek sailor? |
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Post by Twoddle on Aug 22, 2008 19:31:44 GMT
You'll be wondering where the Mae west quotations are.
A hard man is good to find.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
My left leg is Christmas; my right leg is Easter; why don't you come up and visit me between the holidays?
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
Why don't you come up some time and see me?
Any time you got nothing to do - and lots of time to do it - come on up.
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Post by TfS on Aug 23, 2008 6:20:19 GMT
Great stuff, Twod. ;D
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Post by Barry on Aug 26, 2008 21:41:33 GMT
There's that Mae West one that goes:
"I want to be treated with kid gloves" (pause) "... and fur coats ... and diamonds ... and champagne"
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Post by Verbivore on Sept 1, 2008 0:02:37 GMT
Source: Lloyd George, quoted in Bellamy, Guy. A Village Called Sin. p. 307
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