A P Herbert - Humorous

[nickpope]

I've always been partial to Herbert's verse and this is one of the less contentious ones.
At the theatre , the lady behind me

Dear Madam, you have seen this play;
I never saw it till today.
You know the details of the plot,
But, let me tell you, I do not.
The author seeks to keep from me
The murderer's identity,
And you are not a friend of his
If you keep shouting who it is.
The actors in their funny way
Have several funny things to say,
But they do not amuse me more
If you have said them just before;
The merit of the drama lies,
I understand, in some surprise;
But the surprise must now be small
Since you have just foretold it all.
The lady you have brought with you
Is, I infer, a half-wit too,
But I can understand the piece
Without assistance from your niece.
In short, foul woman, it would suit
Me just as well if you were mute;
In fact, to make my meaning plain,
I trust you will not speak again.
And---may I add one human touch?---
Don't breathe upon my neck so much.

I would also like to include the Doctors Lament but it would probably be filled with asterisks as the content is anatomically correct but unacceptable on most forums so you can check it out at

sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiNAMEANAT.html

[Paul Doherty]

Oct 7, 2008 17:31:22 GMT nickpope said:

the Doctors Lament

Very good. I feel it should have music by Sir Arthur Sullivan.

[Paul Doherty]

Is this the same A P Herbert of Misleading Cases fame? I didn't know he wrote poetry.

[nickpope]

Yes, it is the same A P Herbert. There was a tv series in the late 1960's.

Misleading Cases starred Alastair Sim as Mr Justice Swallow, Roy Dotrice as Albert Haddock, Thorley Walters as Sir Joshua Hoot and Avice Landon as Mrs Haddock.

Best I remember is one about writing a cheque on a cow!

[Paul Doherty]

Oct 9, 2008 19:14:53 GMT nickpope said:

There was a tv series in the late 1960's.

Which I remember well. (I was in my teens, OK!)

[Warren G Wonka]

It may be sung to the tune of "Humoresque".

[Warren G Wonka]

"The Doctor's Lament" may be sung to the tune of "Humoresque".