favourite quotations (humorous)

[Verbivore]

I have been collecting lines from my reading for nigh on 40 years, and they now reside on my Mac.

I'll try to practise restraint and not flood this section of the board; however, for starters ...

… all cadets served under the preposterous mountain of self-importance called RSM Britten. His name confused him. He thought our country had been named after him. He weighed about twenty stones, and sported a nailbrush moustache. When he wasn't commanding parades, where his cultivated falsetto shriek could fell jets in mid-flight, he rode a bicycle, which under his monstrous girth looked like an awkwardly shaped suppository in the process of being inserted.

Fraser, John (2004/2005). Close Up: An actor telling tales. London: Oberon. p. 61

(I read that book just last week. It's a most amusing autobiography, and doesn't fall prey to that common failing of the genre - hagiography.)

[Verbivore]

And another Fraser gem:

Being short, I am resigned on occasions to looking taller actors straight in the zip, but I get depressed when I see daylight through their legs.

Fraser, John (2004/2005). Close Up: An actor telling tales. London: Oberon. p. 112

[Verbivore]

And just one more, then I promise to desist (with Fraserisms, at least).

[describing an occasion with Vanessa Redgrave ("the Big V") and Franco Nero (her new lover)]:

… I could see with my peripheral vision that under the table he had her thigh clamped in his good hand (one arm was in plaster - from a skiing accident, I think), and he was kneading it like a baker on speed.

Suddenly Big V threw her arms in the air, stretched and opened her mouth wide in an overdone and quite unconvincing yawn, and said to the assembled company: 'Half-past seven already! I must have an early night. I'm on set first thing tomorrow. Will you excuse us?'

Being all but blind, she could hardly reprove her lover, as he stood up, for almost knocking over the table with the tent in his trousers. With one arm in plaster, perhaps Franco can be forgiven for not having adjusted his person, but that sort of solecism is what I call showing off.

[Earlier, JF had referred to the vanity of well-hung Italian men.]

Fraser, John (2004/2005). Close Up: An actor telling tales. London: Oberon. p. 202

[Vadim]

Aug 18, 2008 8:57:22 GMT Verbivore said:

[...] hagiography[...]

A new word-of-the-day. Thanks, Vv.

[Verbivore]

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Source: Unknown